Just finished this incredible book on self awareness and personal development. I will not call it a self help guide, its rather a counter-intuitive approach to living a good life. And here is it why - its not a book telling you all the time to be positive even if you are in deep shit. Its more practical and tells you to accept that you are f*cked up and need to change things and how. This book is thus not a sweet read but full of slang words that work magic as if you are talking to yourself.
I stumbled upon this book via reading a blog post by this celebrated blogger, Mark Manson, which really provoked my thinking. And yes, the title enticed me too.
Now, here is on the book- if you have read through Napoleon Hill, Joseph Murphy, Norman Vincent Peale and so on, you will find this book a refreshing breeze of fresh air. Here are quick bits from the book which are nothing but real gems -
1. Not giving a f*ck doesnt mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different- It means to accept the issues of life, not run from them and then see what you can do about them. Do what u can do, and when u can't do much about rest (not in ur control), accept and stop giving f*ck about it.
2. To not give a f*ck about adversity, u must first give a f*ck about sth more important. (When in this limited time, u dont find sth meaningful to chase or solve, ur mind will wander and just give f*ck about the weather, or neighbours or why u were born like this..
3. Whether u realize it or not, u r always choosing sth to give a f*ck about. (Whether u have not chosen to get born in a developing country, to not to be poor or born short, but u r always choosing to react to it in a kiddish manner, to cry or to wail on why this happened to me; u r choosing ur response and hence choosing to give a f*ck abt pointless stuff).
4. I loved this part - Happiness is about solving problems. You solve 1 problem, u feel happy, and then u solve a bigger problem to make u more happy...its an upward spiral of happiness coupled with complex problems. Happiness is thus an activity rather a feeling. Its a constant work in progress. If thats so simple thrn why most of us arent happy? Because we f*ck things up in either Denial or Being a victim. And when u do either of the two u r either running away or not owning problems so that u can solve them.
5. To be happy, we ask 'what i want to enjoy?' rather than 'what pain can i sustain?' The path to happiness is all about process and is full of struggles. But the problem is that we only want the result or the reward and believe that makes us happy, but rather its the action or struggle that makes us happy regardless of the result. Our struggles determine our successes.
6. Believe that u r not special. Period. Thats quite contrary to belief spread by so many books and movies like matrix! Life is full of mundane things and u need to accept this and work in the process. Its like a diet regimen that u need to eat boring veggies. But once u accept that u need to eat veggies to be fit or more healthy; u become more alive. Accept u r not 'the one' and its fine. And once u believe that u r ordinary, u can work on the process and can actually drive better results rather than living always with the false knowledge of being special and getting frustrated with no results.
7. Life and happiness are dependent on what value u choose to measure success or performance out of life. U can choose good or bad values. The key difference is bad values are reliant on external events while good ones are achieved internally.
Self improvement is about choosing better values to give a f*ck about. Because when u choose better values, u solve better problems and better problems get u better life! The 5 keys values as Mark mentions in the book are - 1 Responsibility 2 Uncertainty 3 Failure 4 Rejection 5 Contemplation of own morality. And he describes his interpretation around them very well in the book.
8. Choice makes a difference. The difference between a problem being painful or powerful is a sense that u chose it and hence u r responsible for it. When we choose ur problems we feel we are empowered to work and solve it, but when we feel its been thrust on you and u dont have a control on it, u feel victimized and miserable. Thus always choose. But real question is about what we r choosing to give a f*ck about? What values? What metrics? Are these good ones?
9. Everything starts with action. Even if u havent made any plans about it, and u can choose to stay put and wait...dont. Just So something. Why? Because action leads to inspiration to futher motivation to further action.
10. This one is my personal favorite out o this book - Life is like a game of poker. in poker, people will get different cards, good or bad. But still people with bad cards will continue to play as they know its not just the set of cards that decide the result, but how one chooses to take risks with those cards.
Similarily, in life we get different situations but the game of life's ultimate result is dependent on how u choose to respond to these situations and keep making best choices to move forward. The people with the best cards or situations arent necessaily the ones who win or succeed eventually.
Its a must read for people dealing with the pursuit of happyness.
