Just finished my 4th book of 2018 - Give and Take by Adam Grant. This book is an interesting view on relationships in life with people and how patterns emerge in 3 types of people - Takers, Matchers and Givers. Takers are always driven by thier own selfish motives, trying to get to the top by powering themselves over others. Givers are those people who help, mentor others; who take interest in others' worlds to better and overall pull everybody up. Matchers are people who give and take in equal amounts with a propensity to match. The obvious hypothesis is that Givers are the last ones on the success ladder.
The book challenges that hypothesis with real life examples from Startup capital to hollywood; and discusses learnings on how givers excel everywhere. It systematically discusses the benefits of giving and pitfalls to avoid to become a 'successful giver'.
Some key gems from the book -
1. Givers dont network like networkers do at networking events. They have a genuine desire in contributing to others and thus thier networks are stronger. The quality of conversations lead to depth of relationships which they tap at any point of time. And as the interactions are genuine, even dormant ties when reconnected lead to poistive outcomes vs takers who sort of burn bridges. Eg Adam Rifkin, rated as largest networker on linkedin.
2. Givers are so genuinely interested in helping others; when they work in a team they dont have a 'claiming' desire; thus they give collaborate well with others. Takers on the contrary again in a desire to move ahead, do it once and people dont want to work with them again. Thus, the power of collaboration takes them much ahead even in occupations dealing with innovation, creativity or medical surgeries etc. Eg. George Meyers, man behind Simpsons.
3. Givers practice powerless communication at times to connect with audiences vs takers powerful speeches. The audience find them normal human beings with some flaws and somebody who listens more, making them open up well vs a deft speaker delivering speeches like a monologue. The book talks about several examples from sales where givers were top achievers because client felt safe with them. They felt that the salesman has a genuine desire to help rather than powerful fleecers or takers.
4. Despite these huge benefits, where givers fail is that they get 'used' extensively like doormats by takers or they burnout while indulging in selfless service. Its when the author brings about ways to avoid these pitfalls.
He suggests Reciprocatory Rings as a method to deal with takers or matchers. He says takers avoid ditching people when their reputation is on the line or the act is in public. Takers show helping behavior if they are shown doing it. Thus, author suggests to have open help sessions where a person asks for help and volunteers have to raise hands to help. And as a rule everybody has to help at least one.
5. Another pitfall is burnout out of excessive giving on account of selfless service character. Here Givers need to be 'Otherish' which means a behavior where you help but also enjoy and take care of your interest as well. This develops when u get driven by something which is good for ur individual success but also is must do for others. Eg. As a giver, you might not want to achieve ur own target in sales but help others as u dont want that much money. Givers switch off and loose out here. However, if u also think about ur family and thier needs, suddenly u dont feel guilty but motivated to achieve ur target. Thats 'otherish' behaviour.
Its a very good book on behavior and people who deal with people on a daily basis, its a must read.
